Roseanne: Hillary is a commie AND a Bush compatriot!

Doesn't she have a handler to keep her away from the computer? If not, she needs one. Or better yet, let her keep talking. It's REALLY funny. From Perez Hilton, here is Roseanne rambling about the state of politics today:

HILLARY IS A COMMIE TOO
AND SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE BUSH FAMILY COMPATRIOTS. THE BUSH FAMILY ARE THIEVES PURE AND SIMPLE, AND EVER SINCE THEY BACKED HITLER AND LED THE CIA TO ASSASSINATE ALLENDE AND CONTROL EVERYTHING IN SOUTH AMERICA BY TERROR, THEY HAVE SUPPORTED THE "ENRON-TYPE" BOOKKEEPING THAT FIGURED OUT HOW TO STEAL FROM THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND SOCIAL SECURITY. THEIR HANDS ARE IN YOUR FAMILY'S POCKETS.

RON PAUL, KUCINICH, AND GRAVEL
ARE ALL GREAT AMERICANS, AND OBAMA MIGHT BE THE ANTIDOTE TO BUSH!

TO YOU THE WORKING AMERICANS!
FIGHT FOR YOUR COUNTRY NOW! FIGHT AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO RESTORE INTEGRITY AND DECENCY AND HOPE AND REPENTANCE AND EVERYTHING WE ALL BELIEVE IN AND HAVE FOUGHT LONG AND HARD FOR!!! DO NOT F*CKING GIVE UP, WE CAN DO IT!!!! WE CAN MAKE OUR COUNTRY THE UTOPIAN PROMISE AGAIN!!!

I MET KUCINICH
AT A FUNDRAISER THE OTHER NIGHT AND TOLD HIM, IF YOU WANT TO WIN, HERE'S HOW: RUN ON THE PROMISE TO ABOLISH THE IRS, AND TO TAX CORPORATE PROFITS AT 50%. ALSO, ANYONE WITH OVER 100MILLION DOLLARS MUST BE FORCED TO SURRENDER ALL MONEY ABOVE THAT AMOUNT TO VARIOUS STATES. STOP IMPORTING CHINESE GOODS ALTOGETHER. ANY CORPORATIONS THAT ARE OUTSOURCING JOBS NEED TO BE TAXED IN THE 90% BRACKET. SUPPORT A MAXIMUM WAGE!!!

Let's recap. Hillary is a commie, Bush & Co. "backed Hitler", control South America by terror, and steal from public schools and Social Security (I thought that was just the government in general); America should equal Utopia; we need to get rid of the IRS and limit the amount of money Americans can make; and inflict a maximum wage upon our economy.

Political genius, that one.

Roseanne keeps going

This woman just don't shut up!!

Jeez... one of her handlers needs to keep her away from the keyboard. Her first series of new posts on her official MySpace page are mildly disturbing -- she actually calls herself cute, for one, and apparently, the whole intern thing was one, big joke:

Date: Aug 9, 2007 5:35 PM
Subject: i wish that perez h.
Body: would sneak onto my land here, and then i could legally shoot him. I think i could lure him with promises of free lard cookies and chubby chasing gays who would actually want to let him gag on their knobs. He didnt get that my blogs were a joke, and then he didnt get that my intern thing was a joke either. How can you be gay and that dense? He may as well be an ignorant fat hillbilly…he has all the astute appreciation of irony and humor that they do. Gay guys should turn straight out of shame that he is one of their kind.

Date: Aug 9, 2007 5:48 PM
Subject: i am not rosie odonnell
Body: and tired of people thinking i am. One, I am cute, two, i like guns and I am crazy not depressed. I am glad that whoopi got the job on the view and not me after all. She is perfect for that show… and like rosie she will talk about things that have nothing to do with working people, public schools, or unions, or how both parties are irrelevant to this country’s constitution. Plus, I would not be able to stop staring at Barbara Walters’ head the whole time. It is huge. she looks like mr. burns.

Date: Aug 9, 2007 5:58 PM
Subject: posh spice looks
Body: like a ghoul dressed up like a drag queen.

From Perez Hilton, she still just keeps on going:

Date: Aug 10, 2007 2:14 AM
Subject: a couple of people
Body: here on myspace mistakenly thought I was threatening to shoot a little known misogynist gossip monger who named himself after a talentless drunk driver. What I actually said was that if he were to TRESPASS on my land, I would thankfully have the right as an american citizen, under the great constitution of this country, to protect myself, and to use deadly force in that pursuit.
I guess the four of you think it is ok for trespassers and other criminals not to be punished for breaking the law. To me, that means that you really do not support our troops, who are fighting in Iraq to uphold the freedoms
that we hold dear. Shame on you. You would defend a trespassing predator while hardworking citizens are not safe in their homes. What a disgrace, indeed!
Remember a smile is the quickest way to improve your appearance!

Date: Aug 10, 2007 2:32 AM
Subject: its all in fun folks!
Body: just trying to get a laugh.. i think p hilton is funny too..
I love rosie o donnell too! she has balls of brass and did a great thing on the view. she could have sat back with all her money and kept her mouth shut and said nothing, like most stars, but she put her ass on the line and i
have so much respect for her and for Joy behar, and even elizabeth, who I do not agree with, but puts herself out there. I love whoopi too, and I know she has lots to say and lots to add to that show, and I am happy for her.
Barbara Walters is a broadcasting genious and knows how to stay in the spotlight because of that fact. I love Oprah too, even though I make fun of her as well.
I am glad that pearl jam is talking about net neutrality too, and I hope myspace doesn’t start getting censored anytime soon. these are scarey times, and a laugh is good! I have twelve thousand friends here now, and cannot
keep up with this place. I blog at my own website, roseanneworld.com, and have for ten years now. Visit me there daily. I will drop in here now and then!

Isn't she just special??

Who wants to see a Roseanne sex tape?

Anyone? Anyone at all?

Now THAT would be a scary sight... I'm thinking this post on her MySpace is fake, but all the same -- here it is:



This is after she posted a lot of rambling, incoherent, profanity-laced rants on her MySpace blog.

Hey, maybe she even sings in it, like how she sung butchered the national anthem. And maybe it's with Tom Arnold.

Imagine: Roseanne singing while she has sex with Tom Arnold. Let that glorious picture marinate for a few minutes.

Did I say glorious? I meant horrifying. Like I said, my money is that the sex tape post is fake, but it's still a hilarious and slightly terrifying thought.

Just for fun, here's Roseanne performing the national anthem: