New torture methods will make terrorists wish they'd stuck with waterboarding

Waterboarding, questionably defined as torture, could soon become a thing of the past. There are some new ideas for torture in town, and terrorists are surely trembling:

The military has at it's disposal interrogation methods so vile and harsh that Islamic terrorists around the world are demanding being subject to waterboarding and non stop Christina Aguilera music instead. These new techniques may be the reason for the recent report that American forces have routed Al Qaeda in Iraqi from every neighborhood of Baghdad.

Here's a preview of one of these new torture methods: the Hillary Nutcracker.

One can only wonder what the outcry from Al Qaeda will be at these truly heinous new methods of making terrorists talk.

Nice going, Haji!

You know, this video is damn-near priceless. I laughed and laughed and watched it over and over.



Thanks to Emperor Misha at Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler for that one!

Tsunami warning for Buzzard Bay

Breaking news from the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: there is a tsunami warning for Buzzard Bay!

Residents are currently being evacuated from the Buzzard’s Bay area from Hyannis to Falmouth on Cape Cod. Aerial observation from Cape Cod Coast Guard Air Station reported that the tsunami was accidentally generated by the Commodore “Oldsmobile” Kennedy demonstrating his famous cannon-full-of-gin-ball dive into the lagoon of the Kennedy Compound in Hyannisport.

In other local news, package stores throughout the area, reported the mysterious disappearance of all hard liquor from their shelves, sometimes during the Friday overnight period.

More details here, and check back often, as I'm sure that the Emperor will make sure to keep you all up to date.

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