Gun Range

Yesterday, I got to spend some time at a local gun range here in Jacksonville... and I remembered to take pictures for you. See how much I love you guys? ;)


A Sig Sauer P226 .40 cal



A Sig Sauer P220 Elite .45 ACP with a Surefire X200 Mounted Weapon Light.



My target.










Shotgun pictures soon to come...

Women: are you worthy of a real man?

My post yesterday about how men need to man up ruffled a lot of feathers -- as I knew it would. But it wasn't the whiny liberals complaining this time around. Here, at Wizbang, and on Melissa's blog, the same theme was repeated over and over again: what are women doing to deserve real men?

And you know, it's a good question. Right now, for most women, the answer would be NOTHING.

As much as men may be missing out on what it means to be a real man, women have this problem a hundredfold worse. The state of women today is alarming, and a significant portion of the blame can be laid at the feet of modern feminism. Many women are walking stereotypes and hypocrites. They want a real man, a strong man, to take care of them -- but if he does, he's holding her down. They want to be strong, successful, and as respected in the boardroom as the male CEOs are -- yet they want special treatment to get there. They want to be lauded for their ability to birth children and for their mothering instincts -- but they don't want to be tied down at home, doing "all the work". They want their husband or boyfriend to respect them and make them feel appreciated -- but do nothing to make him feel loved, respected, and appreciated. They talk about being "empowered" -- yet still cry that women are victims.

They're walking, talking contradictions.

Here are some of the comments I got, and Melissa got, on this subject that resonated with me.

anonymous:

Manliness is really the willingness to sacrifice self for the benefit of others, particularly a man's children, wife, family, neighbors and country.

Most young men are willing to die for the respect, admiration and love of a worthy and chaste woman. The problem is that interaction with most women today leads them quickly to the conclusion that few women are worth dying for.

Some will question the need for chastity as a requirement. However, from the male perspective, sex is the greatest compliment that a woman can pay to a man. A woman who sleeps around devalues the compliment.

I am lucky that I found such a woman. As a result, my goals in life in order of priority are fairly simple: (1) provide for my children until they graduate from college, (2) provide for my wife for the rest of her life, (3)provide for myself for the rest of my life, (4) serve my community, and (5) spend as much time with her as I can enjoying life.

MB:

Doctor Melissa, what exactly do you bring to the table as consideration for the man acting according to your precise specifications (and also apparently earning all the money)?

Your vagina?

What if the man doesn't think you're worth it, does he still have to act within your precisely defined parameters?

What a spoiled, entitled brat.

lordsomber:

Re DuToit's rant, I wonder if there's a corresponding rant by a woman criticizing the lack of real women nowadays? Cos as much as guys *do* need to 'man up,' I see plenty of women who need to grow up as well. (Present company excluded, of course.)

Aries:

Gosh, little women really think SHAMING men still works? That stopped a while ago. Scream "Man-Up" from your OWN apartment. Men have seen women in action. Whiners, complainers, misandric and endlessly focused on themselves only. Women threw men away. They're just upset that men realized how much happier they were keeping their pitiful, abusives asses to themselves. Womens Groups lobbied for laws which destroyed the Nuclear Family/Marriage. I'm happy to let women sleep in the bed they made. I'm not lifting a damn finger. Women got us in this mess. When it gets bad enough they'll fight the feminist/the source of their problems. Then MEN will show up, Not before. I'm not fighting battles for women who never cared before. Its the chivalrous nature of men which allowed this to get this far. NO LONGER OUR PROBLEM! Women have built up a lot of contempt in men and they dont know how to put the ink back in the bottle. Oh well!

So SHAME AWAY. We no longer care. Your fault! You fix the problem!!! Men are now HAPPY. We adjust. Wwwhhhiinnnne away!

DJ Drummond:
The real men never left. The women stopped noticing us.

Sean:

What? The bed's been made and now you don't want to sleep in it? Please try to understand. If guys need to "man up", how is that going to happen, because a woman tells them to? T'aint likely. Y'all wanted abortion on demand(kill the children) the pill (sex means nothing) any job a man does (just tweak the standards a little, okay?) sevice acadamies (uh, coporal Sledge raped me) and pretty much anything and everything else. Ok, you got it. Now you want us to act more like men used to, even if it's a whole new ball game. It ain't that men don't want to BE men anymore, it's just that it doesn't MEAN anything anymore, and we just quit giving a shit. And maybe, just maybe, if women didn't behave and look like whores, drink like a Templar, and talk like a sailor, there might be a point to having respect for them. But this is what women wanted, to be more like men, so welcome to club, and when you dilute the standards and race for the bottom, don't be shocked when you wake up in the gutter. I never stopped being a man, and I never needed some woman to tell me how to do it.You got questions? You don't know what happened? You want things to change for the better? Go look in the mirror. I got things to do, I'm a busy man.

I have to say, I wouldn't have looked at the issue this way were it not for comments like these. But every single one of them is exactly right.

While men are more and more emasculated in our society, there's no argument against the fact that it is because of women. Women insisted that men change. Women insisted that they show their emotions more and be less stoic; they insisted that men let themselves be more vulnerable. They try to train boys from infancy to be more feminine so that women can be more masculine.

And now what do we have? "Strong" women with an entitlement attitude and a victim mentality, while men meekly let themselves be walked all over, disrespected, and parodied left and right? Is this how anyone wants it to be?

While men have become emasculated sissy boys, women have become selfish, whiny bitches.

I think anonymous' comment summed it up the best, particularly this part:

Most young men are willing to die for the respect, admiration and love of a worthy and chaste woman. The problem is that interaction with most women today leads them quickly to the conclusion that few women are worth dying for.

So what makes a women worthy of a real man? What does she need to do? I think a large part of the problem deals with the fact that too many women have zero respect and/or appreciation for the men in their lives and the sacrifices that they (the man) are making for them (the woman). How many TV shows today show a smart, strong father figure with a smart, strong wife? When I think of an ideal relationship, that's what I envision. I don't think a real man would ever want some meek, beta female to do everything he wanted. I think he would want a real woman, someone who was his equal, who he could not only love and cherish, but respect and admire.

Anyways, the point was that you can often look to television and pop culture to see what the prevailing attitude of the day is. And too often you see a stupid, lazy husband who's probably not very good-looking and overweight, with a beautiful, brilliant wife who is clearly above him and doesn't appreciate him in the least. He does a lot of smiling meekly and saying, "Yes, dear", while she castigates him in front of her girlfriends.

Why should this guy bother being a better man for her, when she so obviously has no respect for him.

Women today were raised being told that they could have everything. You can have the high-powered career with a six-figure salary, a great husband, two adorable kids, and the house with the white picket fence. No one ever told them that this bears zero resemblance to reality. Therefore, too many women are never satisfied. Nothing their man does is ever good enough; they're never happy in their job; they're always disappointed. They couldn't open their eyes and appreciate what's in front of them if their lives depended on it. Well, that's bad (duh). You couple that with a lack of willingness to make sacrifices (because these kinds of women expect everything handed to them on a silver platter), and you have big trouble.

They expect their man to waste his entire life sacrificing to make her happy, yet she is unwilling to even lift a finger to help, or even acknowledge the sacrifice he's making -- for her. Because in her mind, she deserves all these things anyways, so it's automatically expected. It's not her man going above and beyond to prove his love for her, to provide for her -- it's him doing what's expected of him. The entitlement attitude rears its ugly head, and leaves her disappointed and him bitter.

And then you have to add in the masculinization of women. Feminism seems to view equality as "being exactly like a man". It doesn't allow for the fact that men and women are, indeed, different. So in order for women to be equal, they have to act just like men do -- drink like men, sleep around like men, cuss like men, etc. And while I'm sure it's momentarily thrilling, I somehow doubt that any man wants the drunk chick he saw making out with another girl at a party in the middle of a circle of cheering guys as the mother of his children, as someone he can respect. How is a man supposed to respect a woman who he knows has slept with a hundred different men without blinking an eye? With the advent of abortion on demand, birth control, and feminists cheering slutty behavior on, women have been "liberated" to... sleep around? And this strengthens and empowers women... how?

So what do we have? We have women who expect the world to be given to them, and when it isn't, demand special treatment and affirmative action to get it. They want a man who will do everything she asks of him and more, without ever showing appreciation or gratitude for him. They want to act like men, but be treated like women. They want everything, but are unwilling to do what it takes to get it.

They spent twenty years emasculating men, and eventually realized that it isn't what they want at all. And when they figured out that they wanted real men, many of them had disappeared or weren't interested.

Women need to take a step back -- a big step -- and do a lot of introspection. While yes, this is America, you can't have everything. You can accomplish anything you want, but it always comes with a price. And if women want a real man, then they're going to have to find it in themselves to be able to respect him, to appreciate all he does, and to work as hard as he does at their life, whether inside or outside of the home. I think most men are willing to do just about anything for their wives, if they knew that she was grateful and appreciative. Is it too much to ask to take our egos down a few pegs?

If women want real men to re-emerge, then they need to make themselves worthy of them.

Paging men everywhere: it's time to MAN UP.

Melissa Clouthier brings us a post today about how men need to butch up. Here's an excerpt:

Do you guys think that by women entering the workforce, that women have had the same effect on the man's role as say welfare has?

I mean, a generation ago, a man wouldn't look down on his woman for not working outside the home. Taking care of the house; cooking, cleaning, caring for the children and basically being the center of the home was what a woman did. It was enough. No one would consider her to be slacking. In this generation, women suffer a vague, and sometimes, explicit, unease about doing that job. She is viewed as not pulling her weight because she's just a housewife.

And it's not just women judging women. Men, too, want their women to work to take the pressure off. A man is simply not interested in carrying all the financial weight and why should he have to? Women are equal now. Equal means doing the same thing--working and living like a man. Feminism means, and it's men that I've seen to be the biggest feminists, being a good man and bring home the bacon, frying it up in a pan and doing it again and again.

But it seems like an unintended consequence has been resentment. Women have excelled in the workplace. They can take care of themselves. They do leave their babies to work. Meanwhile, some men (not all, of course) have gone the other way. They no longer work as hard because they just don't have to. On the one hand, they don't have the financial pressure of their father's generation, but they also don't have the self-respect, work-ethic and noble purpose of their father's generation either.

It seems to me that a man needs to be needed and when that feedback loop is cut either by the government, or even by a working woman, he can (not always) lose his drive and desire to work and succeed.

I've written before about how men need to freakin' MAN UP. My most notable post on this issue was my The Shortage of Real Men post.

It can't be said enough -- if there are any real men left out there, they need to come out of hiding. It's frustrating as hell, even as a woman, to see men becoming more and more pussified each year (yeah, I'm stealing Kim's phrase).

The run-down housewife and over-worked husband myth needs to cease. If a woman wants to work outside the home, then that's great. A real man would encourage her to, if that's what she chose to do. But a real man would also accept her role as housewife if that was what she wanted -- even if it meant taking on extra financial responsibility. A man's job is to provide for and protect his family, and no, it isn't because a woman is incapable of doing so. It's because that is his primary responsibility. It's one of the reasons real men like guns -- because they understand that having a gun is a crucial part of the "protect your family at any cost" mantra encoded into real-man DNA.

As I've said before, I think you see an overwhelming number of real men flocking to military or law enforcement lifestyles. And there's a reason -- the values I listed above are instrinsic to being a real man, and also to succeeding in the military. And, as I've said before, this is a large part of why so many women pine over having a military man for their own. There's a reason women swoon over An Officer and a Gentleman. Being in the military (or law enforcement) means you're signing up for so much more than just a job -- it's a lifestyle, a mindset.

Women, although feminists like to deny it, want and need men who can be a real man. This means they want and need a living, breathing embodiment of values like honor, courage, and integrity. They want someone who will be strong even in the toughest of situations. They need someone they can feel safe and protected with. And you know what? They aren't going to find those things in an emasculated, feminized, sissy-boy who still clings to his mommy's apron and whines about carrying his family's financial burden.

If you're that kind of man, there are only two words you need to hear: MAN UP. Don't whine that you have to pay for every date you take your wife or girlfriend on. Don't bitch that your hair got messed up or your clothes got dirty from doing some manly activity -- or worse, refuse to get involved for those reasons. If your shower and bathroom cabinet is lined and stocked with more haircare and body treatment products than your girlfriend or wife owns, reevaluate your male-ness. Real men have more important things to worry about.

Unfortunately, it seems too many men are willing to let feminists emasculate them. Too many men aren't willing to stand up for themselves, lest they be attacked by the PC Police. Real men have thick skin, and are more worried about doing what's right than what is popular, so who gives a crap what feminists like Amanda Marcotte & Co. have to say? I think all men know, deep down, what their priorities should be, and the values that they need to hold dear. But everything that real men stand for has been under attack for 20+ years, and men have seemingly given up.

Well, I think there's been enough of that. MAN UP, guys. Grow a pair and be willing to express unpopular opinions because you know that they're right. Be strong enough to shoulder extra burden so that your children can get the best possible upbringing they can. Be willing to put your own fears aside if the situation arises where you would need to protect your family no matter what. Don't be afraid to be strong, to be aggressive, to have drive, honor, love of country, courage, and integrity.

This shortage of real men is problematic on multiple levels. It's bad for our sons and it's bad for our country -- and it's bad for our men. And guys, how long are going to sit there and take it?

When are American men finally going to man up?

Problems in the bedroom?

Dr. Melissa Clouthier has the answers. Here are some of the reasons your sex drive may be suffering:

Messed Up Priorities--Do you really have to watch Sports Center again at 11:00 p.m.? You had a window and it slammed shut with your wife's tired eye lids. Get the kids to bed before your own bedtime. Putting kids to bed at 10 or 10:30 makes for sexual frustration. You're just too tired to do it. Turn off the TV, the computer, the book, the phone calls, the kids, the housework, whatever, and get in bed in time to have sex.
You Hate Your Lover--Oh, you don't want to admit it, but there it is. Sex requires a certain amount emotional engagement. Some men and women find themselves nearly impotent because they cannot imagine having sex with him/her. Their drive is gone. Men are as prone to psychological impotence as women, here. It's called unresolved anger. Find a therapist and resolve it.
Masturbation substitutes for the real deal--It's faster. It's easier. It's less demanding. It can be fit in to the routine. It's convenient for the emotionally stunted who have trouble in a mutual relationship. Whatever the issue, it's a substitute. Maybe it's not no sex drive, maybe it's misapplied sex drive. If you're in a relationship, it's unfair to divert the attention away from your mate.

Check out Melissa's blog for more.

For your listening enjoyment

Here's a Friday morning post filler playlist for ya'. I finally caved and bought my first MP3 player sometime last year, and it was a cheap little $30 one from Walgreens. There was no way in hell I'm gonna pay over $100 for some name-brand. And my cheap little MP3 player works just fine, thank you. So, here's ten songs on my playlist right now, completely at random. Enjoy:

Tips for Servers

Yesterday, I wrote a post about how to treat your server that a lot of people complained was one-sided.

Well, yeah, it was supposed to be! The piece was about how to treat your server, not how to be a good server, and the main emphasis was being friendly and polite, and a lot of people seemed to take issue with that. Why anyone would disagree with keeping the attitude at home and being nice to your server is beyond me, but OK.

So, a lot of those same people were saying I should write a post on how to be a good server. I had debated whether or not I should. I didn't think it would be that interesting -- after all, how many servers are reading this blog that want my advice on how to do their job well? But, you guys are interested and I am here to please YOU, my dear readers, so here we go.

Being a server, to me, is not really a difficult job. It's hard work, and you have to be able to handle a lot of pressure, as well as incredibly fast-paced work, but if you can do that, you should be able to be a good server.

I was lucky. The first restaurant I ever served at, Sneakers Sports Grille, had the best training program I've ever had -- whether it was in a restaurant or outside of it.

Sneakers prized itself on giving their customers the best possible customer service there was. The training program was rigorous. Servers were in training for near a month before we were allowed to go loose on the floor. There was "in-class" training, with tests you had to pass and leaflets to read, and then there was floor training, with another server working and you "shadowing". Instilling that kind of service and work ethic in a new server worked incredibly well; it sticks with you forever. I still use the things I was taught there, even though I'm not a server anymore. It was at Sneakers that I was promoted to a trainer and shift leader for the first time, although it wasn't the only time.

So with all that said, there are some definite Dos and Don'ts for servers.

Use the thirty-second rule.
As I said in the last post, I always, always, always went by the thirty-second rule. Within thirty seconds of your table being seated, you need to greet that table. It's preferable to actually start with the drink orders and everything right then and there, but hostesses don't wait to make sure the timing is perfect before they seat you. You might be carrying food out, or in the middle of getting drinks for another table. So even if you can't actually stop, introduce yourself, and get the drink orders, you still need to acknowledge them.

A minute doesn't feel like a minute for a table waiting to see their server. The time they're sitting around waiting for you to get over there and greet them drags on, and if you haven't made an appearance, your table will be pissed, no matter how busy the restaurant is. Sticking to the thirty-second rule is vital. You gotta keep your eyes open and be constantly aware of what's going on, but it does pay off.

Keep a good attitude.
As noted in the last post, people are not always nice to you. You can be the friendliest, perkiest, most attentive server in the world, and you will still get tables that treat you like dog shit. You can't let it get to you. You have to approach your tables with a good attitude and keep it, no matter how rude or unresponsive they are. Being a server means having to grow a thick skin. It doesn't matter how good you are; people are always going to find faults with you eventually. You're going to make mistakes and it's inevitable that someone will complain about you. You have to be able to take the criticism, grow from it, and then let it go. Be friendly, even if you think it will kill you. If you have to fake it, then fake it, because it's better than walking over to your tables with a shitty attitude.

Be informed and make recommendations.
It annoys the crap out of me when I go to restaurants and the server doesn't know anything about the menu or the specials for the night. It really does, because there's simply no excuse for that. Just about every restaurant, no matter how strict or lax the training is, will require you to pass a menu test before you can hit the floor. While the menu test is a one-time thing, you need to keep yourself informed about everything. Servers should know the menu backwards and forwards, they should know what the specials are, they should know what kind of beer and wine is served and what kinds of liquor brands are carried. If you have to, keep a cheatsheet on the inside of your book, but you need to know these things.

You also need to make recommendations. When you greet your table, mention the an appetizer or a drink special you've got going on. If your restaurant is featuring a specific dish, mention it. If you don't want to mention that kind of stuff, at least give your table the option: "Would you like to hear about our specials today?". It's better to say something about what is being featured than nothing at all. There are such things as secret shoppers, and if you don't say anything at all, you'll get marked off (that's a big one).

Upsell, upsell, upsell.
Most people do not realize how important sales is to good serving. A server is who doesn't sell is basically a glorified food runner; you have to be willing and able to sell to your tables as well. If you ask your table if they'd like to hear about appetizers and they say yes, don't just mention three or four at random. Pick one of your favorites, and tell them about it in mouth-watering detail.

Let's use the bar as an example. If a customer orders a margarita, ask them if they'd like it top shelf. If they order a rum and coke, offer them a premium brand rum like Captain Morgan rather than just going for the well. Not only does this boost your sales, it gives them a better drink. Doesn't a premium vodka like Grey Goose taste so much better than a cheap, well vodka?

Don't be afraid to sell to your customers. The worst they can say is no. If they order a steak, ask them if they'd like sauteed onions and/or mushrooms. After dinner, recommend a dessert. Most of the time, people will turn you down, but sometimes they'll say yes. You'll come across as knowledgeable and your overall sales will rise.

Check back at least once between taking the order and delivering the food.
A good server should be checking on their tables regularly. After you've taken the food order, you should check in with them at least once before they get their food, more often if their order will take a while. They might need drink refills, they might need to adjust their order (its annoying, but it happens) -- you never know what it is they might need. It's better to be there too much than not enough.

Keep an eye on your tables.
If you aren't checking on them, keep an eye on them. Don't wait for them to ask for a drink refill; if you see that their drink is getting low, get your lazy butt over there and ask if they'd like a refill. If you're in one of those restaurants that offers free bread, ask them if they'd like more if they run out. If you see them doing the swivel head, they're obviously looking for you, so run over there and see what's up. You need to be completely attentive to all of your tables simultaneously -- not an easy feat, but one that can be done, and needs to be done. So keep your eyes peeled and make sure you know what's going on with your tables at all times.

Pre-bus.
Whether your restaurant has bussers or not, pre-bussing is one of the most important things a server can do. It's called the "hands in-hands out" rule -- if you bring something to the table, take something away as well. If you bring a new glass out for a drink refill, take away the old one. If you bring out the entrees, ask if you can take the appetizer plates away. If you have bussers, then pre-bussing will make them like you more and they'll bus your tables faster. If you don't, then it makes your clean-up go by faster. Most importantly, your tables will like it. I personally hate it when my server doesn't pre-bus and I'm sitting there cramped with dirty dishes everywhere. It's the easiest part of your job, and it needs to be done.

Don't neglect your sidework or your station.
Being a server is more than just waiting on your customers. There's also sidework that needs to be done. As shift leader, my job was to assign and oversee everyone's sidework. It could be the drink station, for example. So keep it stocked with ice and cups. Taste each of the sodas throughout the night to make sure they haven't run out of syrup; if they have, go replace it. Also, keep up with cleaning your station throughout the night. Sweep the floors even if it isn't closing time yet; no customers wants to see food splattered all over the floor. Keep your salt and pepper shakers full, and maintain the sugars as well. It cuts down on the amount of time you have to clean later in the night, and makes things run more smoothly, therefore giving the customer a better overall experience.

Go by the "two bite" rule.
You've served the food to your table. Their drinks are full. What now?

Always abide by the "two bite" rule. After approximately two bites, come and check on the food. No, do not hover nearby the table in a stalker-esque fashion to make sure you check back in exactly two bites. The point is to let your customers taste everything before you come and make sure its OK.

Some customers say this is annoying, but it needs to be done. These same customers would be absolutely livid if there was a problem and the server wasn't there. If there is a problem with the food, you need to be there as soon as possible to remedy it. So, go by the "two bite" rule. Give them time to eat everything, but check back early in the meal to make sure there are no problems. Then back off for a while and let them enjoy their meal free of interruption.

Clear off the table of all dishes before offering dessert.
This is a little psychological trick. Taking away all the dishes helps people to sort of "forget" how much they've just eaten, and they are therefore more likely to order dessert. It isn't a must, but it's a handy little industry trick. And even if dessert is not ordered, no customer is going to complain about clearing away emptied dishes just sitting there uselessly, taking up space. But obviously, make sure they're finished before you take them away!

Ask before you leave the bill.
Not much will annoy a customer more than dropping off the bill when they don't want it yet. Ask if they're ready for it after you've cleared away the dishes and offered dessert and coffee. Don't just drop it off and walk away; it seems like you're trying to get rid of them.

Thank the customer.
After they've paid, thank them very much for coming in. Leave them a comment card if your restaurant has them; I would attach to each and every check I left with a pen. Even if it's negative, feedback is always good to have. Leave mints or candy if your restaurant has them. Ask them to come again, and ask them to ask for you. Don't go overboard with it, and make sure to be sincere and genuine. It seems obvious, but a lot of people don't do it. Your customers will appreciate hearing it -- everyone wants to know that their patronage is appreciated, so let them know!

Continue to wait on them, even if they've paid.
This one was a point of contention with a lot of you. I still stand by a firm no-parking rule. But for servers, this one is beyond their control. And even if that person is, in effect, screwing you out of making more money off another table, you need to screw a damn smile on your face and keep on serving them. If their drinks get low, refill them. They'll remember it.

Clean the table immediately after they leave.
Don't wait around until you see more people come in, and don't rely on bussers to do it for you. After your table has left, start clearing away dishes (which, if you've done your pre-bussing, should be non-existent). Wipe off the table, and refill the sugars if needed. That way, you're ready for a new table almost automatically, and turning over tables quickly is the best way to make a lot of money as a server.

Make nice with the cooks.
One of the most important things a server could possibly do is to be friendly with the cooks. A lot of servers have a tendency to ignore them or treat them like their slaves, but this does you no good. Actually talk to the cooks; ask them how they're doing, joke with them. If you need a favor, ask nicely and say thank you. If you have to return food, apologize. Don't be rude to them if the customers complain about the food. Just make sure you remember not to look right through them as if they don't matter. Having the cooks on your side will go a long, long way to a better working environment.

There's a lot than servers can do to be a decent server, but going from average to extraordinary takes more than a little extra effort. These are some good guidelines to follow, but being a truly great server is in more than just following the rules. You either have it in you, or you don't After all, not everyone's meant for the restaurant industry. But if you're thinking of trying it out, or if you want to get better tips each night, following the above might be a good jumping off point to bridge the gap between good and great.

Want to enjoy eating out?

Then this post, my friend, is for YOU.

Every Monday, my friends and I go out to this restaurant/bar for karaoke. I have been doing this for almost four years, but some of us have been going for longer. As time has gone by, our group has grown and changed, but the Monday night karaoke has become tradition. We make a point to not miss it, often because for a lot of us, it's the only time we get to catch up with each other. All of us have lives, things to do, and it isn't always easy to make time for all of your friends. Our Monday night tradition solves that problem.

Last night, we were stricken with a particularly horrible server. We've had her once before, and she was awful the last time, as well. Across the bar, I watched as some other patron absolutely laid into this poor girl. Her service was terrible, but he was just treating her like she was no better than dog shit. I wanted to walk over there and slap him for it!

See, I have a bit of a soft spot for treating servers well. I was one for three years, and a damn good one at that. After starting my first job as a waitress, I was promoted to a trainer and a shift leader in less than three months. I worked my ass off as a server, liked my job, and in general, made good money. But as a server, you have to put up with an unbelievable amount of crap.

When I get bad service, I try to give them a little bit of slack, because I know that 9 times out of 10, bad service means that there is something going on beyond the server's control. Rarely is the server just a dickhead who doesn't care about the table. So watching a patron be rude to a server gets underneath my skin; I've been there and done that.

And frankly, people just do not seem to give servers the respect they deserve. There is so much that people either don't understand or care about when it comes to serving, and either don't know or don't care that they're treating an actual human being like crap. I could write a post about how to be a great server -- and maybe one day I will -- but there are more patrons out there than there are servers, and judging by my three years of serving experience, plus observing what goes on when I go out to eat, these kinds of posts are needed. Because people just do not get it.

So, we'll start at the beginning and work our way through the meal. Read. Absorb. Being good to your server will ensure that your experience is a good one.

Be patient.
One of my personal rules, as a server, was the thirty-second rule. At the absolute least, I would acknowledge my guests within at least thirty seconds. On really busy nights, this was sometimes just a quick stop: "Hi, I'm Cassy. I'll be with you guys in just one minute, OK?" I wanted them to know that I had seen them, I knew they were there, and that I would be with them as soon as I could if I couldn't actually stop and begin my spiel right away to start the meal. But for some customers, this was not good enough. They would get huffy and annoyed that I wasn't there to get their drink order and greet them the instant they sat down, no matter how busy the place was.

The thing is, servers do not get one table at a time. At the beginning of each shift, the restaurant is divided into sections. As shift leader, my job was to divide up the sections and assign servers to each one. In some restaurants, two servers would split a section and have as little as three tables at a time. In others, they'd get the section all to themselves, giving them as many as eight tables to look after at a time. I mention this because a lot of people do not seem to understand that a server is not there to serve them exclusively, as much as we would like to -- trust me, it would make our jobs much, much easier. But on busy Friday and Saturday nights, we're running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off. We're trying to give the best possible service we can to all of our customers, so if your server is not there instaneously and it's a busy night, give them a break. Be patient. They will get to you as soon as is humanly possible.

Be friendly and responsive.
When I first greet my table, I try to be as friendly and upbeat as possible. It sets a good tone for the evening ahead. But when I walk over there, bubbling over with energy (even if its fake energy), chirp out, "Hey, I'm Cassy! How are y'all doing tonight?", and hear silence, or a "Yeah, I'll take a Diet Coke, please.", it ruins that. When we come over and say hello, say hi back. Actually talk to us. It's great to get a little conversation going. We won't stand there and talk to you all night, but it does lighten the atmosphere. You're more likely to enjoy our service, and we're more likely to give you better service if we like you. So when we talk to you, don't be afraid to respond. Be friendly; have fun. Think about it. When you have a really great server, who you're able to talk to and joke with throughout the meal, doesn't it make your experience at that restaurant more enjoyable? When we ask you a question, answer it. Be nice. We'll be nice back. Remember, servers work for tips -- if you're a total asshole from the beginning of the meal, you're likely to get written off as someone who won't tip well right from the get-go, and therefore will not get treated as well.

Being rude to your server can be hazardous, as well. Watch the movie Waiting. That stuff actually happens to guests who have too much of an attitude problem. I've never done it myself, but I can guarantee you that it does happen. So, be nice if for no other reason than self-preservation.

Don't interrupt.
When you go to just about any restaurant, a server is likely to give you a whole spiel about the specials for the night, mention a specific appetizer or drink, or recommend a certain dish. Don't interrupt them; don't cut them off.

One of the restaurants I worked for was the Olive Garden. We were required to present a bottle of wine to each and every single table, to describe the qualities of that wine, and to offer a wine sample. If we didn't, our general manager promised us that we would be fired on the spot.

So yes, while that information may be completely useless and annoying to you, just listen. It'll only take a minute or two. Your server probably hates saying it as much as you hate hearing it, but if you aren't interested in anything they tell you (and you never know, they might mention something that does catch your interest), then just let them finish and then politely say, "No, thank you," before you proceed to order.

Don't blame your server if your food takes too long.
A lot of people seem to get very, very angry if you don't get your food promptly. This just boggles my mind -- do people think that their server is the one who goes back in the kitchen and cooks it?! We, as servers, have absolutely no control over how quickly food comes out. It annoys us more that it annoys you, because we know that the longer the food takes to come out, the lower our tip is getting, because we're the ones who get blamed. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. The only time you can blame your server for your food being late is if it has obviously been baking underneath the heating lamps, and you can tell when it has been -- sauces will be congealing on the plate, for example. If your food has taken forever, but comes out fresh, steaming, and hot, then you can't blame them. They got your food to you as soon as it was prepared.

Don't blame your server if there's a problem with your food.
Maybe it doesn't taste right. Maybe there's onions mixed in with your pasta when you asked for no onions. 9 times out of 10, this is, again, not the server's fault.

Say it with me: the server does not make the food!

Just nicely, politely, let them know what the problem is. They will take it back to the kitchen and get it fixed for you. If the customer was nice about it, I'd usually "reward" them by offering them a free dessert (and this free dessert came out of MY pocket -- servers usually can't comp anything without managerial approval). I'd always have the manager bring the corrected dish out to lend a nice touch. The key here is, that by being polite even when things are going wrong, you'll often get even better service. Your server will be falling all over themself to atone for the mix-up, unless you get an attitude. Again, this will cause you to likely be written off as a lost cause.

Control your children.
I absolutely love kids. I love waiting on them, because they're fun. And parents love a server who will interact with their kids rather than just ignoring them; plus, the kids will feel special and important. That said, there are too many parents who let their kids run wild at restaurants.

I've had kids at my table completely empty the salt and pepper shakers and all of the sugar packets into a big, salty, peppery, sugary mound of powders onto the table, before playing with it for the rest of the night. The parents don't lift a finger and just let them play. I've had kids at my table throw their food everywhere -- the tables, the chairs, the walls, the carpets -- rather than eat it. The parents don't lift a finger. In one particular instance, a kid saw a server coming towards him while carrying a tray loaded with food. The kid purposely stuck out his ankle and tripped the server. She went sprawling all over the carpet, the food was obviously ruined for some other guest, and broken dishes were everywhere. The parents saw the entire thing, and laughed affectionately: "Oh, he's such a little troublemaker!"

Parents, just please control your children. You're the adult; you should be in charge. It should say a lot if your kids control you more than you control them.

When we ask you how your meal was, be honest.
Be nice, but be honest. If you didn't like your food, tell us why. If something wasn't great about the restaurant, let us know. If you are nice and polite about it, we're going to absorb that information and know what we can do to improve the experience for you and other guests in the future. If you're rude and bitchy about it, we're going to brush it off as an asshole customer and not really listen to anything you say.

Are you sensing a trend? It's OK to complain if things don't go right -- just be nice about it. There's no need to be rude. It'll get you nowhere.

Also, don't be afraid to tell us if your food was fantastic, or if you loved our service. Nothing, and I mean nothing, put more spring in my step than my guests telling me how much they loved having me as a server. Nothing made me happier than seeing guests come in a second and third time and ask for me, specifically. Letting your server know how great everything was is the best compliment you can give them.

If you're really angry, take it to the manager.
Let's say you've had absolutely horrible service. The server was awful, the food sucked, and everything went wrong. Do not lambast your server. If you're that angry, you need to go to the manager about it. First of all, laying into the server only means that the server is not going to report your complaints to save their own skin. Second, servers are not trained to deal with irate customers; managers are. The manager won't try to cover up your problem, they'll try to solve it. The manager is in more of a position to fix it, even if it means firing that employee. So if your problem is that bad, then you need to go to a manager about it.

When you pay your bill, don't forget to tip well.
Here's something that people who don't tip well must not know: servers only get paid about $3.00 an hour. When I was a server, it was $2.13/hr, but I've heard that since then it's been raised to just over $3.00. Your tips pay our bills.

Yes, servers have to earn a good tip. But even if their service was just average, then you need to tip an absolute minimum of 15%. If their service was great, then tip higher. Never withhold a tip unless their service was so bad that you were going to complain to a manager. Usually, they're trying the best they can.

If you aren't willing to tip well, then don't go out to eat -- period. Go into it recognizing that a 15% - 20% tip is part of the final bill.

I have a quick and easy way to figure out how much you should tip your server. Take the first digit of your bill (or the first two digits, if you're into the hundreds). Double it. So on a $20.00 tab, tip $4.00. On a $60.00 tab, tip $12.00. On a $200.00 tab, tip $40.00. It's an easy way to figure out how much to tip, and it's a fair amount relative to the amount of your meal without having to go overboard on the tipping. Tip your server well, and they'll remember you when you come back.

Likewise, leaving a shitty tip is not acceptable, especially when your server has given you great service. It's even worse when you've complimented your server on how great they were, and then leave a $2.00 tip. It's an insult. If you're going to leave a buck and think that'll be enough for a tip, then don't go out to eat at all.

Servers have bills to pay just like everyone else. We have to pay rent, buy food and gas, pay for electric and water bills... just like everyone else in the world. And perhaps most people don't know this, but your tips are our main source of income. So if you're going to stiff your server, it will have a bigger impact than you may think it will. Also, servers are required to report everything they make to the IRS, so we don't even get to keep the entire amount you tip us when all is said and done.

And finally... don't park.
After you've finished your meal and paid, don't just hang out there. Don't sit around and just relax for another half an hour unless you are willing to tip more -- a lot more -- for it. By parking at our table for an extra half an hour, forty-five minutes, an hour, without ordering anything, you're keeping us from making money on another table. It's then your responsibility to make up for that loss of money. If you want to stay at the restaurant for a while after you're finished eating, you can. There's a place made for that specific purpose: it's called the bar.


Making your server happy will make your experience at restaurants much more enjoyable. Keep these things in mind when you go out to eat. A happy server means a happy customer.

Pictures

Hello all,

Sorry for the few days off -- some family surprised us all by visiting from Massachusetts. So between working and time with them, I just didn't have the chance to blog much the last few days.

Yesterday, we all went to the Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens. The Jacksonville Zoo is spectacular -- if you're ever in the area, definitely stop and make a visit. There is really just so much to see and do there -- it's by far one of the best zoos in the country. Anyways, I have some pictures from that trip, so here they are, enjoy, and I will be back to regular blogging tomorrow!!


Me with my cousin Kristen at the Wild Florida exhibit.


Me with the giraffes at the Africa Loop.


Me petting stingrays at the newest exhibit, Stingray Bay.




Me at the Lost Temple in the Range of the Jaguar exhibit.


Feeding nectar to lorikeets in the Australian Outback exhibit.


Petting goats at the petting zoo.

It's not your fault you stuff your face with Krispy Kremes!

I'm sure it's happened to us all before. I know it has to me.

There's a Krispy Kreme that was directly on the way to a place where I used to work. During rush hour traffic, I'd usually get stuck right in front of it, because traffic crawls that time of day on that particular stretch of the boulevard. I'd sit there in traffic, smelling freshly baked Krispy Kreme donuts, tummy rumbling from not having had breakfast, and wishing I could have a nice, warm, yummy frosted donut. After a few minutes of sitting there inhaling the sugary-sweet odor, I'd think, "Aw, hell", and my resolve would collapse completely. I'd pull into the parking lot, go through the drive-thru -- yes, Krispy Kremes have drive-thrus -- get a dozen donutes, and come to work the office savior.

Don't we all know that story? I don't eat donuts often, but man, they are quite possibly one of the most tempting foods ever created by mankind. Obesity's skyrocketing, heart disease kills more people every year than anything else, yet still we just can't resist those sugary, sticky, soft donuts.

Well, of course, along comes a new study that reassures us all that when we stuff our faces with donuts, it isn't our fault!

New research from Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine reveals how hunger works in the brain and the way neurons pull your strings to lunge for the sweet fried dough.

Krispy Kremes, in perhaps their first starring role in neurological research, helped lead to the discovery. In the study, subjects were tested twice -- once after gorging on up to eight Krispy Kreme donuts until they couldn't eat anymore, and on another day after fasting for eight hours.

In both sessions, people were shown pictures of donuts and screwdrivers, while researchers examined their brains in fMRI's.

When the subjects saw pictures of donuts after the eating binge, their brains didn't register much interest. But after the fast, two areas of the brain leaped into action upon seeing the donuts. First, the limbic brain -- an ancestral part of the brain present in all animals from snakes to frogs to humans -- lit up like fireworks.

"That part of the brain is able to detect what is motivationally significant. It says, not only am I hungry, but here is food," said senior author Marsel Mesulam, M.D., the Ruth and Evelyn Dunbar Distinguished Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School and a neurologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

Next, the brain's spatial attention network shifted the hungry subject's focus toward the new object of desire -- in this case the Krispy Kremes.

"If we didn't have this part of the brain, every time you passed by a bakery you would have no control over your eating," explained Mesulam, who also is director of the Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer's Disease Center at the Feinberg School. "If your nerve cells fired every time you smelled something edible, then you'd eat all the time, not just when you're hungry."

"There's a very complex system in the brain that helps to direct our attention to items in our environment that are relevant to our needs, for example, food when we are hungry but not when we are full," said Aprajita Mohanty, lead author of the paper and a post-doctoral fellow at the Feinberg School.

Mesulam noted the research demonstrates how our brain decides what to pay attention to in a world full of stimuli -- not just sweets. "If you are in a forest and you hear rustling, the context urges you to pay full attention since this could be a sign of danger," he said. "If you are in your office, the context makes the identical sound less relevant. A major job of the brain is to match response to context."

The study helped Mesulam understand his own behavior. "Now I know why I can't resist walking into the bakery some days when I smell fresh scones," he said.

Yes, yes, it's all because of the neurons in our brains! We're just animals, we have no control over our urges and desires!

I am so tired of these bullshit studies saying that it isn't our fault that we stuff our face with Krispy Kremes, it isn't our fault that we're obese, it isn't our fault that we can't stop eating.

Everyone has control over what we do or do not eat; we're all responsible for our own actions. Whenever I drove into work and got stuck in front of the Krispy Kreme, well sure, I was tempted. But it was all me caving to temptation; I could've easily ignored it and told myself that I didn't need to stop and get donuts for everyone (and for me!). I could've waited a few minutes until I passed by the Krispy Kreme, and the smells were gone, and I would forget all about the craving for donuts. Many days I did. But some days, I decided "To hell with it", and just gave in.

The researchers had the participants undergo eight-hour donut-eating binges. Now, here's a thought: if you eat something all the time, then that is what you will crave. If you eat fast food -- McDonald's, Taco Bell, Burger King, etc. -- non stop, then that is what you will crave. If you eat Krispy Kreme donuts every morning, then you will crave Krispy Kreme donuts every morning.

And guess what? The fault is no one's but your own.

Our brains probably do everything these researchers say they do. There's no doubting that. But in study after study, a key component of why people are fat is left out: choice.

We are tempted by food, drugs, alcohol, sex, and a million other things every day. We all have the ability to say NO. Sometimes -- a lot of times -- we don't. And we can't blame nature, biology, the government, or anyone or anything else for that. It's ultimately our choice. This may be the generation of "blame everyone but me", but it still doesn't solve the ultimate problem. You can point the finger all day long, but when all is said and done, your actions are yours and yours alone. If you stuff your face with Krispy Kremes, it's not because you're a slave to the primal urges of your brain, it's because you wanted to.

When will there be a study for that?

Hat Tip: Hot Air Headlines

For my fellow country music addicts

I am a country music junkie. Michael does not like country all that much, so the past three months I didn't get to listen to much country music -- I'd go "start the car" for him, while I hurriedly changed the station to sneak in a song or two while I could. I was like a freakin' junkie.

In any case, here's a fairly pointless post for all my fellow country music addicts. The Academy of Country Music has announced the nominations for the annual Country Music Awards, and here they are! My picks for the winner are italicized -- sometimes I picked more than one because, dang it, it's a tough decision.

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR
— Kenny Chesney
— Brad Paisley
— Rascal Flatts
— George Strait
— Keith Urban

TOP MALE VOCALIST
— Rodney Atkins
— Kenny Chesney
— Brad Paisley
— George Strait
— Keith Urban

TOP FEMALE VOCALIST
— Miranda Lambert
— Martina McBride
— LeAnn Rimes
— Taylor Swift
— Carrie Underwood

TOP VOCAL GROUP
— Diamond Rio
— Eagles
— Emerson Drive
— Little Big Town
— Rascal Flatts

TOP VOCAL DUO
— Big & Rich
— Brooks & Dunn
— Halfway To Hazard
— Montgomery Gentry
— Sugarland

TOP NEW MALE VOCALIST
— Luke Bryan
— Jack Ingram
— Jake Owen

TOP NEW FEMALE VOCALIST
— Sarah Buxton
— Kellie Pickler
— Taylor Swift

TOP NEW DUO OR VOCAL GROUP
— Carolina Rain
— Lady Antebellum
— The Wreckers

ALBUM OF THE YEAR [Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]
— 5th Gear, Brad Paisley (Arista Nashville), Produced by Frank Rogers
— Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Miranda Lambert (Columbia), Produced by Frank Liddell, Mike Wrucke
— Just Who I Am: Poets & Pirates, Kenny Chesney (BNA), Produced by Buddy Cannon, Kenny Chesney
— If You're Going Through Hell, Rodney Atkins (Curb), Produced by Rodney Atkins, Ted Hewitt
— Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift (Big Machine), Produced by Scott Borchetta, Nathan Chapman # 6 Produced by Robert Ellis Orrall

SINGLE RECORD OF THE YEAR [Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]
– Don't Blink, Kenny Chesney, Produced by Buddy Cannon, Kenny Chesney BNA
— Famous In A Small Town, Miranda Lambert, Produced by Frank Liddell, Mike Wrucke Columbia
— Lost In This Moment, Big & Rich, Produced by Big Kenny, John Rich Warner Bros/WRN
— Stay, Sugarland, Produced by Kristian Bush, Byron Gallimore, Jennifer Nettles Mercury
— Watching Airplanes, Gary Allan, Produced by Gary Allan , Mark Wright MCA Nashville

SONG OF THE YEAR [Award to Composer(s)/Publisher(s)/Artist(s)]

– Don't Blink Kenny Chesney Writers: Casey Beathard, Chris Wallin Publishers: Lavender Zoo Music (BMI), Mama's Dream Music (ASCAP), Sony/ATV Acuff Rose (BMI), WB Music Corp. (ASCAP)
— Lost In This Moment Big & Rich Writers: Keith Anderson, Rodney Clawson, John Rich Publishers: EMI April Music, Inc. (ASCAP), Romeo Cowboy Music (ASCAP), WB Music Corp. (ASCAP), Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI), Writer's Extreme Music (BMI)
— Moments Emerson Drive Writers: Dave Berg, Annie Tate, Sam Tate Publishers: Gravitron (SESAC), WB Music Corp. (ASCAP)
— Watching You Rodney Atkins Writers: Rodney Atkins, Steve Dean, Brian White Publishers: Bethar Music (BMI), Mike Curb Music (BMI), Multisongs (SESAC), Songs From The White House (SESAC)
— Stay Sugarland Writer: Jennifer Nettles Publishers: Jennifer Nettles Publishing (ASCAP)

VIDEO OF THE YEAR [Award to Producer(s)/Director(s)/Artist(s)]

– Don't Blink, Kenny Chesney Producer: Tacklebox Films Director: Shaun Silva
— Lost In This Moment, Big & Rich Producer: Big Kenny, Steve Lamar, Marc Oswald Director: Robert Deaton and George Flanigen
— Online, Brad Paisley Producer: Frames Per Second Director: Jason Alexander
— Stay, Sugarland Producer: Kristian Bush, Byron Gallimore, Jennifer Nettles Director: Shaun Silva
— Watching You, Rodney Atkins Producer: Broken Poet Production Director: Eric Welch

VOCAL EVENT OF THE YEAR [Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]

– Because Of You, Reba McEntire Duet With Kelly Clarkson Produced by Tony Brown, Reba McEntire MCA Nashville
— Find Out Who Your Friends Are, Tracy Lawrence With Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney Produced by Julian King, Tracy Lawrence Rocky Comfort/CO5
— Shiftwork, Kenny Chesney Duet With George Strait Produced by Buddy Cannon, Kenny Chesney BNA
— Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore, Bon Jovi Featuring LeAnn Rimes Produced by Dann Huff Mercury
— What You Give Away, Vince Gill With Sheryl Crow Produced by Vince Gill, John Hobbs, Justin Niebank MCA

Fans will choose the Entertainer of the Year Award; voting begins May 5th. The ceremony will be held on May 18th in Las Vegas.

Gary Gygax, RIP

Today's a sad day: co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax, has passed away.

Bloggers remember:
Ace:

He will be remembered by many geeks of a certain age for helping making long-lasting painful celibacy seem almost hip and cool (almost), and also, sadly, for undermining Israel's ability to defend herself from her enemies.

Michelle:

Yes, I was a D&D geek in grade school. ... If Joe Duffy, Jim Gregory, Eric Markley, Jenny Smith, or Lori Dolquiest of the Absecon D&D gang happen to read this, know that I remember those weird days with fondness.

SeeDubya:

Seriously--the vocabulary building for me when I got these books at, like, age 6 was phenomenal. I could never figure out what "misc. magic" meant and I went around telling my friends their gnome had found some "misk magic". Had no idea what that was until I was forced to learn the word "miscellaneous". ... Yes, D&D made me the pathetic geek I am today.

I actually used to play D&D in elementary and middle school, when I was firmly ensconced in Geekdom. As I got older, I grew out of it, but there was a time, loathe as I am to admit it, that I was another one of those "weird kids" playing D&D.

Michelle gives us a link to a quiz to discover what kind of D&D character you are -- here are my results.

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Cleric (4th Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength-14
Dexterity-12
Constitution-16
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-14
Charisma-13

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

When does personal responsibility end?

Today, I've got an interesting question. On the right, you tend to hear a lot about the virtue of personal responsibility. We stress it and emphasize it to seemingly no end. But at what point, if any, does personal responsibility end?

The parents of Amanda Jax have filed a lawsuit against a nightclub Jax attended and the friends accompanying her. Amanda died after a drinking binge to celebrate her 21st birthday, and her parents are alleging that the nightclub should have stopped serving her when she was obviously intoxicated, and that her friends should have stepped in, as well.

The family of a woman who drank herself to death at a Mankato nightspot while celebrating her 21st birthday is suing not only the establishment but also the friends who bought her a steady stream of drinks.

The lawsuit, filed Thursday in Blue Earth County District Court, alleges that on Oct. 29 the college-age friends of Amanda Jax bought her one drink after another in less than two hours.

As a result, Jax's parents are taking the unusual legal step of suing her companions, in a case that could set a precedent as to who can be held legally liable when someone drinks too much.

"It's evolutionary," said Prof. Barry Feld of the University of Minnesota Law School, who used the scenario as a question on a final exam last semester. "It's pushing the edges of legal liability. These kinds of cases are the engines that drive social change."

That desire for change -- along with holding people responsible for their daughter's death -- is what is driving the lawsuit, Jax's parents said Thursday.

Jax, the suit contends, "was in the care" of the friends who gave alcohol to "an obviously intoxicated person." Their actions, the suit argues, "created an unreasonable risk of causing physical harm" to Jax, and the friends "failed to exercise reasonable care" in preventing harm to her.

"I don't know how they could have called themselves friends and not done anything," said a tearful Jenny Haag, Jax's mother. "They helped her drink even when she wanted to quit. If people had called 911 [in time], then Amanda's death could have been avoided."

At the apartment where Jax died, the suit says, an intoxicated Jax was tended to by two of the defendants about 12:30 a.m. Oct. 30, when she had "been unconscious for approximately one hour and had vomited twice. No one sought medical help for the dying Amanda." A 911 call was made from the apartment about 7 a.m., police records show, after a friend discovered Jax's cold body.

Amanda weighed around 100 lbs, and at the time of her death, her blood alcohol level was 0.4594 percent, almost 6 times the legal limit.

How much did Amanda drink? According to the lawsuit, she had:

... one or two cans of beer at an apartment before going to Sidelines; a pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea (equal to 12.5 shots of hard liquor); five shots of hard alcohol; two beers; and the cherry vodka-energy drink concoction.

Obviously, the suit alleges that every drink was bought for her. However, it was Amanda's 21st birthday, when your friends are practically expected to buy and feed you drinks all night long.

In any case, what's the verdict here? At what point does it stop being a matter of personal responsibility?

Let me start by saying that I absolutely think her friends should have recognized when she had too much to drink. They absolutely should have recognized when she had enough, and stepped in to put an end to it. But should they be held legally accountable for not doing so?

Here's my problem with that. Amanda knew what she was getting into. She drank every drink willingly; no one held her down, opened her mouth, and poured the drinks down her throat. The thing about drinking, and especially about binge drinking, is that we all know what the risks are. Kids start getting drug education (Just Say No!) in as early as elementary school. (In mine, it was a program called DARE: Drug Abuse Resistance Education.) It usually continues on through high school, teaching the effects and risks of everything from cigarettes and alcohol to cocaine and heroin. The effects of drinking too much are almost as commonly known as the risks of smoking. The problem is, almost everyone my age admittedly has Superman Syndrome when it comes to drinking. We all hear horror stories like Amanda's, but no one ever thinks it will actually happen to them. I highly doubt that Amanda had never consumed alcohol before, and frankly, that she'd never been drunk before.

That said, I can't help but think that when one decides to go on a drinking binge, for whatever reason, they know what they're getting into. You know the risks when you take the first drink. Her friends should have been looking out for her, but I can't see how they can be legally held accountable.

The nightclub, however, is a different story. When an establishment, whether a restaurant, bar, or nightclub, gets a liquor license one of the stipulations is that you cannot continue to serve someone who is obviously intoxicated. If Amanda did not appear to be completely drunk out of her mind when the bartender bought her the final drink, a shot called a Cherry Bomb, then he can't technically be held responsible. But if she was falling off her barstool, slurring her speech, etc., and he still served her, then he can be held responsible and the nightclub can lose their liquor license, which has apparently already been suspended for thirty days.

I'm no judge, and I'm not a lawyer, so my legal expertise here is obviously lacking. But I can't help but think that while you might be able to make a case against the nightclub, holding her friends responsible as well is taking it a little far. Yes, they bought her drinks on her 21st birthday. They didn't, though, force her to drink. Amanda made the decision to drink herself to death. Her friends should have been more attentive, but ultimately, even with the bartender serving her past the point of obvious inebriation, the fault is her own. We can point fingers all day long, but at the end of the day, it was her decision. That may make it harder for her parents to cope with her death, but it's the truth. Her friends should have been looking out for her, but they weren't her babysitters. She was 21 years old, and old enough to make her own decisions. When you cut everything else away, it was ultimately Amanda's decision that led to tragedy -- and what happened was a tragedy. But I couldn't honestly say that others can really be held responsible in a court of law for Amanda's inability and/or unwillingness to say enough.

You can only hold others' responsible for your actions for so long. Eventually, you have to own up to your decisions, no matter how tragic the consequences.

UPDATE: I just re-read the article and apparently, Amanda Jax had not one but two DUIs prior to turning 21. This only makes me feel that she was personally responsible for her own tragic death even more.

Hat Tip: Ed at Hot Air

She's just not that into you... or is she?

Women are weird creatures. We are strange, we are complex, and near impossible to understand. I admit this freely because you know what, it's the truth. Women can argue that it isn't true, but we make things unnecessarily difficult for ourselves in a lot of relationship-type situations. Why? Because it's how we're wired. Because it makes sense to us, and damn it, you as the boyfriend or husband should just understand.

But what if you aren't the boyfriend yet? What if you're trying to feel her out on the first date? An article on MSN claims to tell you how you can tell if she likes you or not. Unfortunately, most of this stuff just does not hold water. Here is how you can supposedly tell if she likes you:

1. She tilts her head (in any direction).

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip.

3. She twirls her hair.

4. She gets a glow.

5. Her pupils dilate.

Sometimes I really wonder where these dating columnists come up with this stuff, because I can't imagine that it's the real world of dating.

If your date "tilts her head", she might just be trying to find the waiter -- or the ladies room, where she can escape and call a friend to send her the obligatory "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" text message because the date is so horrible. There are so many reasons anyone, male or female, might tilt their head -- in any direction, no less -- that saying that any kind of head tilt is an indicator of romantic interest is ridiculous.

Sipping when you sip? Probably more coincidence than anything, and if she's purposely mirroring the timing of you drinking and/or eating, isn't that a little weird? I've certainly never timed my drinking patterns after my date. If I'm thirsty, I take a sip. End of story.

I think twirling her hair might possibly be the worst indicator of the five of these. Women. Twirl. Hair. Not all women, but a lot of them do, and they twirl their hair without even realizing they're doing it. I do it when I'm zoning out -- when I'm starting to think about something else, and am drifting towards La-La Land. If that would be considered a win for you, then fantastic. But these dating "experts" are reading too much into a small gesture.

The last two seem a little strange. Blushing and the dilating of pupils is supposed to be a failsafe way of knowing your date digs you? Don't think so. If her face gets all red and rosy, it does not necessarily mean "attraction". She could be hot. She could be blushing because you just said something that embarassed the heck out of her. Dilating of pupils might come about from being attracted to a man, as their expert claims, but I don't buy it. Pupils dilate out of fear, too. So what if her pupils are dilating?

There are also five signs she isn't feeling you:

1. She crosses her arms.

2. She places her bag between you two.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile.

5. She strokes her neck.

Unlike the first five "yes, she is into you" signs, these are hit-and-miss. For instance, the crossing of the arms alone is not necessarily a red flag. If you're standing in the lobby of the restaurant waiting to be seated, and she's got her arms crossed while she chats amiably to you, I think you can relax. However, if she's leaning back in her seat, arms crossed, and glaring stonily at a point somewhere over your head, mumbling, "Mm-hm. Yeah. Right. Yup.", to everything you say, then you can safely assume that this chick isn't feeling it.

Placing her bag between you may just another case of reading too much into a simple situation, especially if it's a blind date, a first date, or any case where this girl does not know you prior to this date. Yes, as the expert says, it's a sign of the woman wanting to keep a bit of distance between you. No, it is not always a bad sign, unless this expert is expecting every single date to end with the girl leaping into your arms, kissing you all over while moaning, "Take me now!!" Women are going to want a respectful distance kept between them at first. Believe it or not, that's ok. It does not indicate a failure on your part.

Speaking quickly is a horrible indicator of like or dislike. Some people naturally speak unusually quickly, like my friend Sherry. She talks at an extremely fast pace, because that's just how she is. She's bubbly, and outgoing, and upbeat, and energetic, and her speech reflects that. A lot of people, myself included, tend to also speak hyper-fast when they're excited -- which is a good thing. Feel out her personality. If a girl's not feeling you, she's much more likely to not talk to you at all, and give you only one-word answers all night, than she is to suddenly start talking on fast forward.

Chin-up smiles? Like I just said, read her personality. Observe her (subtly -- not in that creepy stalker way). I know that you men are not a bunch of bumbling idiots with no power for perception. The bigger question when it comes to a smile is not chin placement (who comes up with this??), but whether it's genuine or not. If it's a fake, patronizing, condescending smile, you're likely to notice. Unlike these "experts", I know men are capable of being observant and perceptive -- so be observant and perspective!

Their last negative is if she starts stroking her neck. Sorry to burst this "expert's" bubble, but if a woman you are on a date with starts stroking pretty much any part of her body, I'd chalk that up to the win column.

So what do you take from all of this?

If you haven't figured it out yet, the recurring theme here is to open your eyes. It isn't that difficult to read people, and most women don't look at men like idiots who can't figure them out. If she is responding to the conversation, that's a good sign. If she's touching herself pretty much in any way, that's probably a good sign too. If she doesn't take your eyes off of you (except to glance down a little before glancing back up at you), that's probably also a good sign. If she's not smiling and staring at the wall over your head, or looking around so much you think she's going to get whiplash, it's probably not going well. If she's barely responding to anything you say, using as few words as possible, then it's probably not going well.

Again, the key here is to simply try to read her. No two girls are going to respond the same way to the same date. Yes, that means you have to think, but unlike a lot of contemporary dating "experts", I know that men are more intelligent than you are given credit for. So use that intelligence and you'll find it suits you well.

Update

Hello from Colorado!!

First of all, I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Christmas and New Year's. Needless to say, mine was fantastic.

I am so sorry for the continued light blogging, but I did warn you. ;) I have had very, very little internet access and I am hoping that will change in the very near future. I have been so out of touch with the outside world, I've practically been going out of my mind!! The first week without internet I felt like a junkie. I was practically crawling out of my skin, wanting just half an hour to update myself on everything. If any of you are internet addicts like I am, you know how I feel!!

Colorado is absolutely beautiful. The weather has been fantastic, and I love the snow!

I'm going to have to wrap this up now, but here are a few new pictures as promised, and I will be back soon, and trust me, I can't wait until I can be back!!

- Cassy

Golden Compass Review

Well, I saw the Golden Compass.

I was a little bit unsure of what to think about this movie going into it. I'd heard about all the controversy surrounding it for the books' anti-Christian themes, but I've never read the books. And I wanted to go into the movie with an open mind. And honestly? I wasn't that impressed.

I could pick up right away what was supposed to be the evil church (the Magisterium) trying to sabotage the good people who just want to know the truth about the universe. I think, though, that was because I knew about the anti-Christian themes going into it. Besides that, there really wasn't anything to show that the books were written as part of the author's quest to destroy Christianity.

All that aside, how was the actual movie? It was decent. I'd give it a C. I got to see the trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian again, and that had me more excited than the actual movie did (literally -- I was practically bouncing up and down in my seat with excitement). The movie had decent action sequences, although not enough, and I felt myself willing the movie forward. The plot was kind of tedious, and left the ending quite obviously open for another movie. There were no real awe-inducing visuals in my opinion, either. There also is not the feeling that Lyra's quest is something that she needs to undertake. There's mention of how she's the child in a prophecy, but there is no sense of urgency there.

The biggest problem, however, was not the tedious plot or lack of action sequences or that there were no stunning visuals. It was missing that spark of magic, that sense of awe and wonderment you get from other fantasy movies like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the Harry Potter movies, and yes, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Those movies left you feeling awed, stunned, and the magic in those worlds seemed palpable and real. You left the theatre feeling as if these were real people, real events, and that if you poked around a few wardrobes in your house, you might just find Narnia, too. The Golden Compass did not have that spark of magic. You didn't leave the theatre feeling awed and stunned. Whether this was due to the plot or the filmmaking, I don't know exactly. Some movies have it. Some movies don't. This didn't.

All in all, I don't see this having the mega-success that the Chronicles of Narnia has enjoyed. I'm sure it will do well at the box office, but I just don't see it becoming an instant classic, a mega-blockbuster as I feel The Chronicles of Narnia, the Harry Potter series, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy were. It comes off as if the movie is trying very, very hard to be in that category, but it simply falls short. The plot isn't as strong, the visuals not as stunning, and the magic is simply missing. I can't speak for the books, as I haven't read them. But the movie, in almost every way, is simply mediocre.

Breaking News: Politicians have actually worked for a living!

The Associated Press has interviewed the presidential candidates about their worst jobs ever. The answers were varied, but the award goes to John McCain:

Republican Fred Thompson, son of a used-car salesman, remembers his years before law offices, Hollywood and the Senate. "Well, let's see," he said. "I've worked in a factory, I was a bouncer at my uncle's drag strip, I worked at the post office, I sold children's shoes, I sold ladies', I sold men's clothing, I was a night clerk at a motel.

"I can't think of a job that I had that I wasn't thankful for at the time."

Romney never went begging for dollars — his dad was head of American Motors and governor of Michigan. But the Republican presidential candidate got up close and personal with sewage while spending time at his uncle's spread, doing chores at age 15. He said he spent a week on his assigned task of cutting the sewage pipe.

...

In Alaska, she washed dishes in Mount McKinley National Park, the better of two brief menial jobs that financed her travels. "My worst job was sliming fish in a fish cannery in Valdez," she said without hesitation.

The Democratic New York senator elaborated on this in her memoirs: standing in bloody water in knee-high boots on a pier removing salmon guts with a spoon; supervisors yelling when she didn't slime fast enough; switching to the packing line where she reported spoiled fish to the boss, who soon fired her.

Republican John McCain, son of an admiral, had post-grad employment unlike most — war. The Navy pilot landed in a vicious Hanoi prison and has no complaints about other circumstances of his youth: "I've never really had a bad job."

Bill Richardson worked for a summer laying sod, and called it "backbreaking".
John Edwards had cleaning duties at a mill.
Mike Huckabee worked at JCPenney -- I assume cleaning, because he talked about how he never touches glass doors, as he had to work so hard getting fingerprints off the doors.
Barack Obama said his worst job was scooping ice cream, because he ate too much of it.
Chris Dodd sold clothes in a haberdashery, and said it was "boring".

All together, I guess we're supposed to be awed by the fact that these people have, at some point, actually worked.

At any rate, this seemed to be a fun topic, so let's get the ball rolling.

My worst job ever was, by far, as a dog washer at a doggie spa. It was the first job I ever had, I was fifteen, and my mother literally made me take it. I lasted a week. Maybe some people are good with that kind of thing, but I simply was not. I love dogs, but I did not like washing them every single day, and having to go home smelling like wet dog and burnt doggie pee (they tended to pee when you blow dried them after washing them).

I also worked at a museum here, the Museum of Science and History, as an intern for five years. I worked for one summer in the planetarium, but most of my experience there was working in the history department -- giving tours, doing demonstrations, and the like. Occasionally, though not often, we did exhibitions in period dress, which means I know what a corset feels like (not good!!). It was one of the best jobs I've ever had.

There also was, of course, Jacksonville.com. I covered sports there, and had some of the best experiences of my life. It's where I started my writing "career", really, but there were lots of different things we were expected to contribute -- photo galleries, columns, video reports, etc. While writing was what I mainly did, I also got to dabble in some photography and be both in front of and behind the camera.

And like many college-aged kids, I worked as a server in various restaurants for about three years. This was one of those jobs that you're either really, really good at, or you're terrible (in my opinion). I was really, really good. Serving is also one of those jobs that you kind of simultaneously love and hate.

After only a few months at my first job as a server (Sneakers Sports Grille, where you wear cheerleading uniforms), I was promoted to a shift leader and a trainer. Therefore, I tend to have ridiculously high standards when I eat out. If a server brings me a new drink without taking the empty glass away, for example, I get slightly annoyed. If they have a great attitude and personality, though, I can overlook just about anything. I do have a kind of mental tally of things that I expect servers to do (pre-bus, check on you throughout the meal, try to upsell, etc.). I also tend to simultaneously be more sympathetic to servers than other people -- if you've never been one, you can never understand what it's like and how stressful it can be. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I hate watching people be rude to servers, and it tends to make me want to tip that server even higher to make up for it. People, don't be rude to your server. Really, really don't. If you don't know what I mean, then watch the movie Waiting. It is a scarily accurate depiction of what working in a restaurant is like. If you're such a terrible person that you can't be nice to your server just, you know, to be a decent human being, then do it for your own good. You don't want to screw with the person who is taking care of your food. I have never personally messed with anyone's food, but I have witnessed it. Many times.

So that's some of my job history (yes, much of these overlapped -- I often work multiple jobs at the same time). What was your worst job, or perhaps, your best? Let's get a little conversation going here.

Determination, indeed

Hats off to this lady. I'm competitive, almost to a fault, but I don't think I could do what Claire Markwardt did.

ESPN High School has her story. Claire is a long-distance runner, and her high school cross country team was competing at the state finals. In the video, you'll see her fall -- this is where her left tibia broke. She gets up, and tries to continue running, causing her fibula to snap. Instead of giving up, however, she crawled to the finish line, determined to finish the race.

What Markwardt saw in the video might not be visible to the rest of us. She saw a teenage girl who, a year earlier, watched the state meet from the stands and made a personal commitment to run in that race in her senior year. She saw a girl who fulfilled that commitment, and then, with a badly broken leg 45 feet from the finish line, had a choice: Finish, or don't finish.

To her, it was a no-brainer.

At the 1- and 2-mile markers, Markwardt was on a personal-best pace. Then, as she entered the stadium at Columbus' Scioto Downs, with about 400 meters to go, she heard her left leg crack.

The leg had been sore on and off for the previous two weeks, prompting Berkshire coach Julie Cole to limit Markwardt in practice. When she heard the crack, Markwardt thought it was a muscle pull or tear. She thought she could gut it out to the finish line.

"There was a runner from one of our rival schools right in front of me," she said. "I kept staring at the back of her jersey and pushing myself to catch her."

But some 200 meters later, Markwardt heard the leg crack again. And again. Then there was a louder crack, and her entire leg gave out. She fell to the ground as onlookers winced at the sound and the sight of what happened.

One of Markwardt's teammates, unaware of what had happened, encouraged her to get up. She tried, using her right leg. But as soon as she shifted weight to the left, the loudest crack yet came. And her leg gave out again.

"At that point, I knew what had happened. I knew my leg was broken pretty badly. And I knew I couldn't get up again. So I started crawling," she said.

She said she thought not of her coach, nor her parents, nor anyone else who had encouraged her to never give up, to see things to the finish. Instead, she thought of the countless stories she had heard about runners who collapsed before a race's end and somehow found the courage to cross that last line. Even if her leg had given out at the 400-meter mark, she said, it wouldn't have mattered. She was going to finish.

"They may not have let me, and it might not have been pretty, but I would have tried," she said. "I had come so far. Our team had come so far. All season, we had been working for state, and now we were there. I was almost done, and there was no way I was going to let the team down."

She finished the race with a time of 20:24.07, only :18 slower than her personal best. She finished in 67th place, helping to put her school in a fourth-place finish in the Ohio High School Athletic Association Division III championship.

"When I saw her crawling, I wanted to cry," said Richard Markwardt, Claire's father. "I was just so incredibly proud -- as proud as any father could be."

She apparently didn't cry at all after the race, even as doctors fastened her leg into a splint. Her tibia was broken in multiple places, her fibula in one, and she was going to need surgery. But she's been able to hold it together.

For all she's gone through and all that lies ahead, Markwardt said she has broken down only twice: once on the hospital phone call to her sister, and once when she told coach Cole that she will miss the spring track season.

This Wednesday, when doctors asked her to rate her pre-surgery anxiety before the second procedure on her leg, she said, "Two."

All this time later, after the surgeries and the recovery she has looming before her, she still says she wouldn't have changed anything if she knew what the outcome would have been.

Runner or not, I don't know anyone who couldn't be inspired by Claire's story. She has a level of determination and resolve that many adults are lacking, let alone teenagers. As far as I'm concerned, this is much more than just a story about running or sports, but a story of inspiration, hope, and what a person can achieve if they put their mind to it. (Besides, the world does not revolve around politics!)

Claire, I wish you the best of luck for a speedy recovery, and I hope you're able to keep running in college. You've got the heart to make it far in whatever you choose, and we're all pulling for you.

Hat Tip: Second Wind