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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

My eyes have been opened.

As many of you know, John Hawkins from Right Wing News is the person that I have considered my mentor. He got me into blogging; he gave me advice on how to get started; and he linked me constantly. He also helped me to become stronger in my conservative beliefs. See, when I first started writing about politics, I considered myself to be merely a moderate Republican. John's influence helped me to make my way down the path to full-fledged conservatism.

I've defended men constantly on my blog from feminists.

Little did I know, they were right. So right.

There's been more to the story about me and John. Many people have guessed, but now, I just can't hold this in anymore. I have to tell the truth.

John and I were exchanging sex for links. Yes, I slept with him in order to get my blog linked more. See, I thought he really liked me. I thought that he just wanted to help me out, that he really cared about me! The sex was so-so, but I got my links and my dreams were coming true. However, he didn't fulfill his side of the bargain -- he promised me that within a year, he could make me as big as Michelle Malkin, which obviously has't happened, and now, I just feel so dirty!

Well, I'm not taking it anymore! I am a woman, and I deserve better. John can find some other noobie unsuspecting blogger to get his punani from.

As for me, my eyes have been opened. I've been wrong, so wrong, and about everything. Men are just horndogs who are looking to keep women down. How could I ever have defended such foul creatures? And conservatism?! What was I thinking? I feel so awful, having been brainwashed by a man who was so insecure in his own self that he had to take advantage of a young, naive blogger and use sex to keep her down and fully entrenched in his masculine, conservative orthodoxy. Republican men don't care about women. They just want to keep us in our place.

That's why I simply cannot let myself do this anymore. I have to be true to what I know is right. And I just cannot be with another man ever again. From now on, I am 100% a lesbian. And conservative Republicans?! They don't care about women. All they care about is lining their pockets with blood money from oil. If I hadn't been so stupid all this time, I would've known that liberals really know how the world works. They've seen Republicans for what they are all this time, and I just didn't get it. I didn't understand.

Well, now my eyes have been opened. And from now on, this blog will be dedicated to fighting conservatism and the horrible patriarchal establishment tooth and nail.

Maybe one day, this will make up for all the harm I've done in the past.

- Cassy

18 comments:

I R A Darth Aggie said...

I'd like to leave something witty, but I just stumbled across your blog (you should thank Ace or one of the morons for the link and go on a Hobo Hunt), and you'd think I was dirty, dirty boy (well, I am but you needn't think it so soon) and give me a righteous beat down...

Angry White Guy said...

Wait, so linking you would have gotten me sex? God Damnit...

NOW you freaking tell me...

Anonymous said...

i do no understand where this post came from. some sarcasm but all of it?

Anonymous said...

ooops. now i see the date. sorry. :)

Anonymous said...

Cassy: You're brilliant. And hot. And thin--so very fit! And you know a lot about politics, human nature, and stuff, too.

And it's 4/1

Phelps said...

Silly -- if you had spent any time reading feminist literature rather than trolling hate sites, you would know that all sex is rape, so none of it is your fault anyways. It was the patriarchy that got you in this mess to start with.

Phil said...

Absolutely classic :D

Jack Dwyer said...

Okay, you've had your fun (rant)... Now, woman, get back there, do the dishes, cook the food, and clean up the place...! You know, like you're supposed to...

It's 2nd April here anyway...!

William Teach said...

It's a good match. Conservative men, all we want is sex and a reduced capital gains rate, while all liberal women want is cheap, meaningless sex with a strong man. All liberal men want is to be understood and shop for manbags, so Conservative Men are perfect for the job with liberal women.

Conservative women are the hottest, though!

I can probably be more sexist, but, it is 4/1 :)

Ryan Placchetti said...

John did the same thing to me when I was first starting out. I was 16 years old, trading sex for links.

This was back in the days before he started Right Wing News. I was young, running a pointless website on a wing and a prayer. Like you, I'm older now, wiser, and exclusively attracted to women.

I thought I was alone all these long years, but now my voice can join a chorus.

...

I can see this coming back to bite me in the ass someday when I'm famous.

(Message to Larry King: I never had sex with anyone in exchange for web traffic, but you can still ask me about it in my interview. Much respect. Better book me now, before I get too busy. Seriously, my calendar is filling up quickly.)

Anonymous said...

I find the use of the word "punani," to be my favorite part of this......

Anonymous said...

Well, at least I can understand his motivation.

Dick

Anonymous said...

we need to talk...

Russ said...

i didn't even have to read your blog...the link and title from Right Wing News spelled it out all too clear: April Fools!

Seriously...all y'all could have been a little more creative.

Anonymous said...

Hey, we all dig chicks, but nothing wrong with a guy in the mix. How many links per hour?
I love it when a woman blogs dirty.
Tell me how hot your laptop is right now.






Happy April 1

Anonymous said...

ok hero, if that is how you want your life to progress...

Intelligencer said...

OMG. It's like watching David Brock with BOOBS!

Intelligencer said...

Or maybe Andrew Sullivan. Although he may have man-boobs, I'm not sure.