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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

An Open Letter to Amanda Marcotte

Dear Amanda Marcotte,

I've long followed your career at Pandagon, and your disastrous run as blogmaster for the John Edwards campaign, often with derision. I'd like to apologize, as I now see the error of my ways.

I see now that you only speak the truth. You understand what is in the hearts of so many women, and you articulate it so well! Amanda, I wish I could be more like you. It's so obvious now that you have no agenda to push; you simply say what so many women are terrified to say for fear of retribution from the male establishment.

It is shameful what the right-wing noise machine did to you when you were working for John Edwards. How dare they manipulate the brave words you wrote on your blog?! I now understand that they simply are too intimidated by strong, feminist, women in the spotlight and therefore organized a right-wing hit job against you. Luckily for women everywhere, though, you survived to keep on trucking over at Pandagon.

I also have to thank you for your wisdom. It's incredibly intelligent to pick your battles in life. Strategy in changing people's perceptions is key. And I think it is very wise of you to focus solely on the discrimination we women face every day here in the United States, and let the oppression that women in the Middle East face every day go. It's not our battle. Maybe once we've secured abortion on demand and women are perfectly equal in every single facet of American life, then we can move on to getting rid of FGM, mercy killings, shariah laws, and burqahs. But for now, I think it's for the best that we concentrate on real problems like abortion and defending Planned Parenthood. It's a good thing we have such smart, capable leaders in the feminist movement today like you.

I guess mainly I'm looking for forgiveness from you, and feminists everywhere, for being so mistaken. The leaders of the new wave of feminism simply know better than us regular gals what is best for us, and I understand that now. You have been right all along; men are the enemy. I've decided to forgo make-up and push-up bras as they are symbolic of caving into the patriarchal ideals of beauty -- no more waxing or shaving or slathering on deodorant and perfume to attract men who only wish to keep me trapped forever in inferiority. I deserve to be loved for myself, as our Mother Earth, Gaia, made me. That is why from now on, I'm going to live my life in the light of love by embracing lesbianism and feminism completely.

So, please accept my humble apology and let me join the sisterhood. I'm willing to work hard to fight the patriarchal establishment. All I'm asking for is the acceptance of you, and my other sisters, and your forgiveness for my ineptitude.

Cassy Fiano


mkfreeberg said...

The leaders of the new wave of feminism simply know better than us regular gals what is best for us, and I understand that now.

Amen. As a dude, I've been trying to figure this out for awhile. Of all the micro-revolutions that have been about "choice," this has to be the most nit-picky micro-managing nanny-nanny bossy-bossy one ever to come down the pike.

The catalyst of this holy battle: Whether women should find housework satisfying or not. Gosh…uh, is it completely out of the question to, y’know, kinda let the girls figure it out for themselves?

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure I could have written that even in jest! Funny stuff!

Alan ABQ said...

Jeeze... what're you gonna do if she takes this seriously!? I mean, do you really want her to contact you? The bitter stench of utter defeat is probably still wafting from her like the hateful diatribes from her frozen depths...