I've moved — check out my new blog at cassyfiano.com!

Redirecting in 10 seconds...

Thursday, July 5, 2007

I like it in the South.

Unsurprisingly, another Hollyweird celebrity has come out complaining about the South:

“I wanted to leave the South when I was 11 years old. I was a ballerina, and I just knew I wanted to do something. I didn’t want to grow up and get married and have a family at the age of 18 or 21. I wanted to do things. It’s very different down South where you have more of that. I’m from Monroe, Louisiana, and you’re kind of a freak when you actually want to do something with your life.”

- Parker Posey tells OK! magazine

I love how whenever Hollyweird celebrities talk about people living normal lives, their words just drip with condescension.

Now, granted, not everyone needs to live in the South. We got plenty of Yankees coming here, already. But while it is fun to laugh at the My Cousin Vinny and Sweet Home Alabama portrayal of everyone in the South being backwards, slackjawed rednecks where women don't do nuthin' but birth them babies, and if she had a career, way-ull then, she is just an embarassment to her family, it isn't real life.

You're a freak if you're a woman who does something besides get married and have kids, and actually want a career? Well gee, that's the first I've heard of it.

It's as if there are no female anything in the South, and if you want to do something with your life, you better escape now!! Apparently there are no female teachers, or politicians, or scientists, or writers, or dancers, or... well, anything else you can think of.

And on top of that, I'm sick of hearing "enlightened" women turn up their noses to those who get married and have children, even if it is at a young age. My mom got married and had kids early, right out of high school -- her and my dad are still together, and a great example of what a good marriage is. And believe it or not, she STILL got a college degree and a career as an executive!! GASP!!

It's as if in the south, you can only be a wife and a mother, and no career. And if you choose a career, you can't get married and have kids.

You hear this condescension from Hollyweird celebrities about us backward folk here in "Redneckistan" constantly.

So, in Parker Posey's honor, here is what REAL life in The South is like (any Southerners reading this will be smiling and nodding). I wouldn't have it any other way.

Only in the South!!

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in The South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in The South plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it flies, it stings; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinto is one word.

There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.


You measure distance in minutes.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

You know what a "DAWG" is.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

You only own four "spices": salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from The South (and those who just wish they were).

Not EVERYONE can be a Southerner, it's an art form and a gift from God!


Don_cos said...

Two questions.

1. Who the heck is Parker Posey?

2. Who the heck would name thier kid Parker Posey?

Anonymous said...

for a political party that always likes to scoff at the 'hollywood left', they sure do seem to like to pick actors to run as their presidential candidates.

Anonymous said...

lol, nice list. i'm from Texas, and a lot of those struck home.

Don_cos said...

for a political party that always likes to scoff at the 'hollywood left', they sure do seem to like to pick actors to run as their presidential candidates.

LOL! Good point!

However I submit that they are the "black sheep" of Hollyweird!