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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

PETA states the obvious about Michael Moore

Perez Hilton has a letter today from PETA Founder and President Ingrid Newkirk to Michael Moore and the world, telling him and us the little known fact that he is, indeed... FAT.

Well gee, thanks for that Ingrid, we never noticed before. Whatcha gonna tell us next?

To: World
From: Ingrid Newkirk

Sometimes, I stop and think about myself versus the rest of the uncivilized world. I know how hard it must be to live up to my fascinating wit, supreme intelligence, and high moral authority. I know that most of you people are heathens, eating your disgusting meat and propping up a Holocaust of broiler chickens, allowing poor donkeys to be used in suicide bombings and not understanding that the deaths of animals, not people, is what really matters. Who cares if people are dying of AIDS and medical research involving animals can save millions of lives? Did you not hear me when I said a rat is a pig is a dog is a boy? WE'RE ALL THE SAME!!

That said, I understand that it is difficult for all to be as enlightened as I am. From now on, I will offer up my wisdom every day, bestowing upon you an undeniable fact. To the truly enlightened, these will seem rather obvious. But just remember, that most people -- disgusting, hollow, meat-eating, animal-murdering, people -- cannot grasp such simple thoughts such as the ones I will present. They will be baby steps on the road to great enlightenment, such as I have achieved. Then and only then can you realize that becoming vegetarian is the way to go, along with closing all zoos and circuses, outlawing pets of any kind, and setting fire to anyplace, anywhere, which uses animal testing or keeps animals in captivity. TOTAL ANIMAL LIBERATION!

But we're getting off track. Here is our first fact for the series. It may seem hard for you to understand, but remember that this is the only way for us to become enlightened.

Fact #1, something most of you have never been able to fathom before: The sun rises in the East.

This is pretty similar to how her actual letter to Michael Moore reads. You mean, Michael Moore is a huge fatso?! NO!!! I never noticed that before! I thought he could fit into Nicole Richie's wardrobe! And being vegetarian is the only thing that will save him from his obesity?! Well thank you, Ingrid Newkirk, thank you soooo much! You've done a great service to the world!

Here's an excerpt from her letter (emphasis mine):

Dear Mike,

Congratulations from PETA on the reviews for SiCKO. Although we think that your film could actually help reform America’s sorely inadequate health care system, there’s an elephant in the room, and it is you. With all due respect, no one can help but notice that a weighty health issue is affecting you personally. We’d like to help you fix that. Going vegetarian is an easy and life-saving step that people of all economic backgrounds can take in order to become less reliant on the government’s shoddy healthcare system, and it’s something that you and all Americans can benefit from personally. Vegetarians weigh, on average, up to 20 percent less than their meat-eating counterparts—meaning less weight-related problems like heart attacks and strokes—and live about eight years longer. I’m sure that your fans would appreciate having you around longer! By going vegetarian, you would also provide a powerful message of personal responsibility for one’s health, allowing others to become less reliant on a
system that doesn’t care about them.
As they say at Nike (sorry!): “Just do it.” We can help, but first, here are some facts: ...

Yawn. That was eye-opening, thank you Ingrid.

If you'd like to read the rest, visit Perez Hilton.com.


Don_cos said...

Maybe along with sending nachos to our elected Amnestbill Horror supporters, we could also send some steaks to PETA.